Just A Little Bit Of Perspective

I don't know if you've noticed this, but haven't been online much, on FB or this blog or pinterest or anything really.  There are a few reasons for this:

1.  Sitting down in front of my computer makes me sleepy and queasy.  Seriously.  It's easier to sit in front of the tv, or lay down with a book when my kids are in school or otherwise occupied (thank heaven for Disney Junior).

2.  I'm actually still online, I'm just quietly stalking everyone.  Mwahahahaha.  Not seriously.

3.  I feel even more isolated than usual every time I read about my friends in other states hanging out with other people.

4.  I don't really have much to say right now, at least not complain-y stuff.  I could fill whole books with "gah, I hate morning sickness (or as I liked to call it, all-day sickness)," or "I'm so tired," or "I'm so cold," or "emotions are dummy dumb dumb faces (giggle, sob)," or "is there any chance I'll stop craving Chocolate Malt Ovaltine any time soon?" but that would be boring, so I'm trying not to do it.  I think I'm still doing it more than I should, but I'm trying to suck it up.  Haha.

Rich, chocolately Ovaltine

The thing is, when you walk around in an exhausted haze all day, are unable to eat anything but "white" food (white flour, sugar, potatoes, milk, etc), and are freezing all day long, it's hard to take a step back and "be joyful."  But the reality is, despite how miserable and tired I feel physically, I'm actually really happy.  I feel relatively content with where we are and what we are doing.   I'm super happy with our family dynamic and our belongings and lifestyle.

There are parts of my life that I truly believe couldn't get much better, and those are the parts that really matter.  For instance, my super sweet, supportive husband, who doesn't seem to mind that we've been eating mostly PB&J or cereal for dinner for over a week now and that the house is starting to look like it's been in a tornado's path.    He also brings me Häagen-Dazs every time he goes to the store (that, ladies, is what you call a keeper).

Or, my awesome kids, who think everything is hilarious, and know innately that life is an adventure.  They definitely don't mind the PB&J or cereal for dinner, they are grateful for a temporary reprieve from my culinary experiments.

Plus, no matter how isolated or lonely I feel, I only have to drive 5 minutes in nearly any direction to see something this, which sort of puts everything into perspective for me.

It's also nice knowing that all my sleeplessness at night, exhaustion by day, food aversions, food cravings, random crying, random crazy laughing, is all for a purpose.  A great purpose, too, we're going to have another kid who thinks everything is hilarious, and knows innately that life is an adventure.  It's going to be worth it, it's already worth it...I wouldn't trade my physical misery for anything.

Hey, and at least it's temporary.  Soon, the morning sickness will be over, and even more sleepiness nights will kick in as my hormones go even crazier and my body gets weird and hippo-y.  And then I'll start craving Popeye's spicy chicken sandwiches and toasted ravioli.  And then the horrible rib pain and leg cramps and the peeing every 2 minutes...followed by giving birth (shudder)...and then as my hormones finally relax enough for me to be able to fall and stay asleep, I'll have a baby to take over as my tiny, crazy, frequent alarm clock.  But at least he/she will be cute, awesome, and worth it!  That's my story and I'm stickin' to it.

An Announcement

Since 90% of my 10 readers are also friends of mine on facebook, this is going to come as no huge shock, but here it goes: our household size is about to go from just under the national average to just above it.  Exciting, right?  We're excited.

It's kind of hard planning for a third kid.  The other two were so close together and so chaotic it feels more like I've only had one pregnancy that lasted 23 months and resulted in Irish twins.  I had a lot of hand-me-downs, and like most brand new moms, a large amount of have-to-have baby gear.  This time, though, I sort of have an idea of what gear I actually use (very little), so there's much less planning.  Before, nine months didn't seem long enough to get everything ready for the kid, now, I'm pretty sure I could have everything I need in one trip to Target.

If any of you are on the fence about increasing your family size, I gotta say, I suggest it.  Yeah, pregnancy still isn't fun, and I'm sure birth won't be fun and the sleepless nights won't be fun, but already this baby is less stressful than the other two were.  I've stopped reading mommy blogs totally, not because I hate them, just because I no longer feel like I need mommy validation.  Is that weird...that the more kids I have, the less freaked out I am about screwing them up?  Probably, but that's okay.  I think it's because now I have enough perspective to see how much I've already screwed up, and my kids are still happy, generally healthy, and on their way to being productive members of society.

Not to say there aren't stressors in my life.  I'm pretty dang freaked out about living here in Wyoming so far from all my family and friends.  I wish I lived in a place where I knew some people well enough to get a casserole or three delivered after the baby comes.  My husband's job here isn't very stable anyway, he gets paid pretty well and he loves his work, but the company he works for could move him at any time to any part of the country.  Having moved both 8 months pregnant (with Sam) and 1 week after giving birth (with Jubilee), the prospect of doing it again does not sound pleasant at all.

Anyway, a favor.  If you think about it, send up a few prayers for us.  Yes, stability, a house and a few friends would be awesome, but mostly I think we just need peace that it's all going to work out, and we need some perspective.  Even if we have to move within a month before or after giving birth, it's not the end of the world, we've done it twice already.  Even if we have to order pizza for a week after the baby comes, we can do that.  It's going to be okay, I know that in my head, I just wish I knew it in my heart.

Whole30 Update

I am officially a week and a half into a Whole30.

No matter how often I read that feeling crappy while detoxing or dieting is "normal" and you should work through the pain, I still can't escape the feeling that if you're feeling awful physically and emotionally you should do something to remedy it.  Eat a cookie or something, especially if you're a mom of small children.  As a result, I was very hesitant starting this.  I'd rather be a little chubby than spend any time miserable on purpose, that's the long and the short of it.  But, I really was getting to the point where something needed to change, and this was the step I decided to take.  I'm pleased to inform everyone that I haven't had any emotional or physical problems (and I'm past the time when they should've started).  I haven't had any sugar "crash" or horrible cravings or anything that I was afraid of happening.  Which seems a pretty good indication that this is actually a healthy diet, unlike things like no carbs or no fat or drinking nothing but apple cider vinegar for a week, I actually feel really good right now.

One of the big rules of the Whole30 is NO WEIGH INS for the whole month.  Because it's a diet primarily to get healthier and wean ourselves off of toxic foods and sugar, fat loss shouldn't be the goal.  The lack of a scale allows us to focus on the other positives the diet is doing for us, and it really works. I notice my clothes fitting looser (hubs told me he thought my clothes were getting stretched out or something, because they were looking too baggy, haha, thanks a lot hubs).  My mom (who is also doing it) cheated and weighed herself.  She's lost 7lbs so far.  Because of my mom's bad example (tisk tisk, mom), I cheated and weighed myself, too, I've lost 5lbs.  Not too shabby, enough that I'm encouraged, not so much that it's unhealthy or hard to maintain.

I also have a LOT of energy, which is good and bad.  My house has never been cleaner, but I don't have a lot of patience sitting down writing blogs or watching a movie with my husband, I always feel like I need to be doing something.

My face is clearer than it's been since we moved to Wyoming.  I don't know what it is, I assume it's the lack of humidity, but my face has been broken out since we moved here.  Now, though, it's completely clear.  Which is super nice.

Plus, I'm learning quickly how to NOT be a stress eater.  There have been parts of this week where normally I would've turned to a brownie or a cheeseburger to destress, but I didn't.  And the desire is going away, noticeably.

My mom's favorite part of this diet is that food actually starts to taste better.  When you aren't eating sugar, you really begin to notice the natural sweetness of a lot of different vegetables and even meats.  Fruit becomes satisfying.  Food also becomes more deliberate, I don't find myself absent-mindedly snacking anymore.  It's nice, though meal planning takes a little more forethought, and it's nearly impossible to get take-out.

Anyway, that's my 1/3 done update.  The end.