Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Snow White

I saw this poster today:

Or, wait, what about this one?

Oh, and how 'bout this one?

I'll tell you what the biggest scare for me is, regarding movie advertisements.  It's when the single most important thing about the movie, the thing they put at the very top of the poster, is a reference to the last movie one of the Producers threw some money at that did halfway decent...two years ago.  You know it's the most important thing, because it's at the top of EVERY movie poster that comes out for this movie.

I guess it sounds better than putting, "directed by a guy you've never heard of because this is his first movie," at the top of the poster.

This, my friends, is what Snow White and the Huntsman has going for it: that girl from Twilight, Thor (are they ever going to let that poor guy shave?), Charlize Theron, some imagery created by someone who's watched "The Crow" too many times, and a producer of Alice in Wonderland.  

Oh, and not to mention the sudden influx of all things Snow White.  Let's see, there's tv Snow White:

Oh, and did-you-know-Phil-Collins-had-a-kid Snow White:

Oh, but THIS new Snow White is edgy, you say?  Oh, they've NEVER done that before.  Oh, wait, there was that one with Sigourney Weaver and Sam Neill, "Snow White: A Tale of Terror," from the Producer of "Save The Last Dance 2."  Hint: it didn't do too well.

Yes, I'm being critical, but I'm pretty sure "Snow White and the Huntsman" will do just fine.  Do you know why?  Because it has that girl from Twilight, Thor, Charlize Theron, some imagery created by someone who's watched "The Crow" too many times, and a producer of Alice in Wonderland, not to mention a pseudo-feminist girls-kick-butt thing going on.  That, my friends, is enough to ensure that teenage girls will drag their boyfriends which, in turn, equals box office ka-ching.  

And what else really matters in the world of movies?


  1. Thor is an alright actor. Charlize Theron is good. It's actually pretty. But casting the Twilight chick was wrong, not only because of lack of ability but because they didn't even change her hair. The queen is doing a spell or whatever about Snow White's hair "black as night" and the girl's a brunette. I think it looks alright. The original fairy tale is more like this than the Disney version.

    1. I doubt the either are horribly accurate, I mean, at least the Disney version had at least one of the three trick-death-resurrection scenes, I can't imagine how they could fit in even one when they are trying so hard to make her bad-ass. I mean, in no version was Snow White supposed to be Braveheart rallying the troops to battle the forces of evil personally. But, really, it's not the accuracy that bugs me, it's the mediocrity. Thor may be an alright actor, and Charlize Theron may be a good one, but as you know, a bad director can make a make a good actor mediocre...and I just don't have a lot of hope in the guy who makes Axe deodorant commercials.